I feel so silly. For goin all the way there and taking a bus home alone. All I really wanted was to spend more time with you instead of being apart waiting for each other.
Im so silly. I'm Love's fool.
Who do I suddenly feel so direction-less. I waited for the bus for more than 45mins.
All alone at the bus-stop. Felt so weird. So many people around me, but I feel like Im in a bubble. All their voices and laughter being drowned out by the pounding of my own heart.
Im so foolish.
Im so stubborn.
I love being alone.
I love being in my own world. Where no one else belongs.
Sometimes I feel like no one understands.... I tink because Im a weirdo.
I tink whoever that have to spend the rest of their life with me would be miserable.
I have erratic moodswings that even I myself can't explain.
Sometimes..... most of the time actually, I love being alone - its pathetic.
Mama called me just now, I guess she's feeling lonely too. Im bringing her out on sunday.
Im wondering what is on your mind now.
Freak? Weirdo? Crazy? Mad?
The bus seems to be rushing. Why? Is everybody in a rush to get to somewhere? Why aren't I rushing somewhere too? I have no direction.
Thinking I should go home. But facing the empty home alone would be too miserable. Too painful. Especially when everyone I know are somewhere out there sharing laughters. i see pairs everywhere. And Im a singular. I know that its not often that Im alone. But it stings when it happens, especially when I made an effort to make things better.
But you were careless with my feelings. Maybe Im too fragile. Too sensitive. But it still hurt. A little. Not a lot, because I could still smile while talking to you. So it was a little because I could hide my hurts behind a smile, a laugh. So that you would not be confused about what happened.
What should I do??
Are there pills for insanity?
Would it make me normal?
Im very fascinated with the thought of being a normal person.
I wish my name was Jane. As in plain Jane.
Instead of Freaky Luisa.
Luisa - Jeanne -
I still dun understand.
I guess I never will.
I wish u understood me more. But I dun even understand myself.
So I guess... Im hoping you will not give up on me. But hold my hand through my difficult times and crazy moods. Sometimes, I juz need you to be around. To show me more attention. The way I wan. Sometimes, its not bout what you say.... but juz understanding me. Knowing what I need the most.
I juz need you to show me that you want me. Juz like how I need you.
This is as real as it gets.
