tired. really tired

I love my ride. Got many ideas and plans for it. a little changes and a little modifications... ahhh.... planning to change the color of the van. thinking of doin Pink... Ken would rather have black.

anyways, my thoughts are all jumbled up for the past few days. pondering bout lots of stuff but juz cant seem to put it all out in a logical manner. its all jumbled up and messed up. my thoughts are all messed up juz like my brain. its fried. im tired and exhauted. can't tink of absolutely anything.
again... friday... this friday was not like the previous doing nothing at home. got places to go and stuff to do. and I really wish that I had no plans at all.
tomorrow is goin to be worse....

so many things on my mind. juz dunnoe what to worry about first and what to settle first. actually nothing much to settle.... juz thoughts.

I wish I can run away. run far far away. I need a break. A break from everything. A break from work. A break from school. reports. projects. deadlines. family. friends. Yes.
I feel like really im rushing everyday. 24hrs not enough for me. im not sleeping enough, I haven taken a nap in the longest time. work is freaking hectic. arrrggggggggggggg................

I really wanna run. please bring me somewhere. to recharge. to rest. to relax. I feel drained. I have no more energy to pack... to worry.... to think.... to budget. Im tired of thinking how to pack up... how to make more space.... tired of thinking of money and how to survive. on whether i should buy new clothes. I juz wan to stop thinking......
tired of laughing.
tired of smiling.
tired of walking
tired of rushing
tired of working.
tired of typing.
tired of worrying.

I need a break.

having emo fit at work. feeling restless and upset and moody. seems to be feeling this way for the past week. and it sucks.

Ira finally moved in last nite with the help of Paul and Daryl. Chatted till pretty late and after Paul and Daryl left, Ira and I juz continue chatting.

Talking and pondering about relationship stuff.
would u be happy? if ur partner said to keep your relationship a secret.
would u be happy? if u are with someone whom people around u do not approve of.
it is easy to say that a relationship only consist of you and the other. so why care so much about people around you, but I guess sometimes it matters.

so how? dun get me wrong. im extremely happy in my relationship and everything is goin smoothly. for now. but sometimes looking at the people around me, juz gets me thinking....
time to go back to work. Lunch is over. =(

good stuff.... bad week

im very very tired. and very very grumpy.
im supposed to be happy and contented. I am. Im supposed to be.
But im feeling super sian since Monday and each day keeps getting worse.
My schedule is super jam packed, so much stuff to do, places to go but not enough time... 24hrs simply not enough for me....
Busy with what?? Firstly, I have no off day for the past 2 weeks... which makes life miserable.
Things I need to do... but haven got down to doing yet.
1. go to the library for my report research. (totally no time at all!!!)
2. finish doing my remaining 15 journals. (still procastinating)
arggg.... i cant think of the remainin cuz its causing me to have a very bad headache and hyperventilate juz thinking bout all these stuff.
Tenant moving in soon and the common room is still in a mess. I got no time to pack up the room. and no time to look for a bed frame. Rushed down to IKEA yesterday but somehow did not manage to make a decision in tim before the store closed. Did not want to make a rushed decision and regret it later. So decided to juz pass Ira my bed frame first and sleep on the floor for the time being. Pathets. But I got bigger worries than that. The room is full of my stuff and i gotta move them all out of the room but i have no place!! damn. thank goodness for ken to help me settle all these or else I tink i would go mad~! completely mad.
Finally and I mean "PHEW" finally.... I cleared every single cent of my credit card debts and Im free!! Wheeeee....... at least this is a damn good thing.
Dinner yesterday night was good. Thai food. So hapz to see Sami, Jason, Gary, Jac, Sasa, Rod and many many many more........
Schedule is jam packed with appointments and Kenneth is officially my PA. hee hee. thanx baby.
The guys wanna watch Sex and the City on Sun and I simply do not know if I can make it. Thank goodness for ken to plan out all my timing for me. Whole weekend is jam packed~!!!
Starting from tomorrow.
Thurs:
Morning ~ Work
Evening ~ Class (yawnz)

Fri:
Morning ~ Work
6 - 8pm ~ Training @ Tampines (No time to go look at bed frame....)

Sat:
Morning ~ work (halfday)
2 - 4pm ~ makeup marketing lesson (damn)
Evening ~ invitation to Lilian's baby 1 mth old / Dinner with grandma
(how the hell am im goin to split myself.... damn) gotta choose........
I would choose to come home and sleep the rest of the day away
Suppose to watch movie with the guys, thank goodness, its fully booked.

Sun:
Morning ~Church
Afternoon 2 -4pm ~ project group meeting (im dying..... exhausted)
Evening ~ Sex and the city

Monday:
BACK TO WORK!

so as u can see. my life sucks the moment. im burned out. totally.

A little joy

My Friday was not as bad as I tot it would be. I drove out to meet Sam for drinks and I managed to park pretty okie. But still not very used to it yet.
Sat was pretty tiring, but eventful. Finally managed to watch 'What Happens in Vegas' after all the delay and procastination. Sat 2nd row from the front. -.- I probably could see Cameron Diaz upskirt from the angle I was sitting. Headed down to Keong's place a mini bbq after the movie even though I was super tired, damn sleepy and already half stoned. But it was fun hanging out. Mindless chatter and plans for the future. The usual stuff. Was planning to head home early after showing face at the bbq, ended up heading home only around 3.30 in the morning. damn. was really stoned by then. but no doubt, we had lots of fun. drove our new van up Kent Ridge park. Actually, Keong drove and ken was shouting all the way up. LoL.

Today was better! Mufe and Ken officially declared to each other that we are really damn broke. After passing some cash to Sam, I had really juz a little left to survive. Ken is really broke. So we decided to budget ourselves these few days till we get to our next pay day.
We woke up pretty early for a Sunday morning, drove down to S'goon gardens to get our regular b'fast. Hotcakes meal. (Something I gotta have every Sunday morning.) lazed a little in bed after bfast and guess what, being the broke couple we were, we booked a appt for a full body massage and ear candling session for the afternoon. TALK BOUT BUDGETING.
excited, we headed down to Holland Village for our spa retreat. kept discussing on how we were goin to survive till the next month....... well...... we'll survive. I hope.
It will come to us. We are really living the LIFE. its hilarious. An army boy and a bank officer. Supporting an entire home on my own and a vehicle and living the life. LoL. Its No wonder why im always broke. But im very very happy. Feel somewhat blissful and contented. I really dunnoe. Juz feel like there is nothing more to hope for, except of course, to complete my degree as soon as possible.

Felt nice chatting with Sam on Fri. Talking bout life and what not. Im glad i have him. Does help me get through life easier. or rather. happier? grounded? can't really find the right word. But I know I'll be fine having Sam and Ken in my life. FOr now.
I believe that things are juz gonna get better. Right?
Pray hard for "IRA"...... *crosses finger*

TGIF? For What?

Felt that this week passed so fast I did not even realised today was Friday.

And yes Im feeling depressed cuz its TGIF and I have no plans, no places to go, no one to accompany. Sheares and Caleb were busy making plans at work and all I have planned was to go to mama's place for dinner. =(

Finally me and Ken got our very first 4 wheels transport. Our baby blue Peugeot. =D Im so excited and the past few nights were spent driving around aimlessly. Today Ken is doin guard duty and I got the van all to myself. But me being such a kayu and hopelessly lousy at parking. I don't dare to drive anywhere which would require me to park.

I rushed home after dinner at grandma's so that the carpark would not be too packed and I would have a free parking space which has 2 lots or more so I have more space to maneuver and not scratch any other cars around me. =S Despite all the driving experience I have over the years, no matter how hard I try, i really suck at parking. Argg.
And yes, this means there is one more Lady Driver on the road and im NOT any better than any of them. SO BEWARE.

Being home alone does not mean that im juz lying around stoning. Before this post, I was rushing to read and summarise like journals which is no easy task. Finally managed to complete 4 summaries which means... plenty more to do. =( Its so so so so tiring and I feel so stressed out that I was on MC from work yesterday. Was having damn bloody bad gastric which did not allow me to have any sleep at all and after all the tossing and turning and groaning, my alarm rang. I had no choice but to take MC.
Luckily Ken finished work early on Thurs and managed to accompany me to see a doctor, but during that time, my ache vanished. -.- But I still managed to get my MC, thanks to my pale complexion and weak heartbeat, due to lack of exercise and sun, which I can pass off as a sickly person.

My bonus came and went and im broke again. Huge amount of money went into paying part of my long time credit card bills and of course my new baby blue darling. Not forgetting all my shopping in 1 week which took up like close to 1K. WTF~!
Regrets. Actually no la, i still like my shorts a lot.

So nothing much happened this week. Juz collected the car, drove around my area, school, work, mc, reports and this week is over.

Weekend Blues

Ken has been working since the start of the long weekend. Instead of enjoying my weekend doing nothing, im looking forward to the end of the day when I can see him again.

Ken started work since Friday afternoon, leaving the rest of the day for me to do whatever I want. Well. after work, I went shopping at Raffles City... alone. It was alright. I actually kinda enjoy walking around alone. I was too lazy to meet anyone else. Within less than 2 hrs, I spent almost $500 bucks. =( Feeling so guilty right after. My first stop was Robinsons. Simply juz wanted to buy a simple Clinique Moisturiser, ended up spending $200 bucks at the Clinique counter. After I was juz wondering around Raffles City waiting for time to pass till my appointment at Cathy. I decided to check out Topshop flagship shop. I walked in and all the pretty clothes were calling me to them. And before I knew it, I had like 6pcs of clothes to try on. I like them all..... but decided that I could not have them all. It was too expensive and simply not worth the money. =( I could get much more clothes for the money that was going to be spent. I tried to decide which to buy and which to put back on the shelf. I took pretty long to decide and half heartedly placed the un-choosen items back. *sigh*

While lining up for payment, I dunnoe why but then and there i decided to check out the prices of the clothes that I have choosen and saw that a pair of shorts actually cost $86 bucks. SHORTS. But they were too pretty to not buy it. And there u have it another $200++ gone at Topshop outlet.

Felt kinda guilty for spending so much money without and second thoughts, the moment I made my purchase I decided that I should juz go someplace and eat instead of walking around and spending more money and regretting later on.

Raffles City / City Hall was crazily packed with human traffic and I could not stand it, I made my down to Cathy believing there will be less crowded there. Wanted to grab something light to eat to fill my stomach before my waxing session. As usual, too many people and no place to sit. I was alone, so could not choop a place to seat while I buy my dinner. So poor me had to juz grab a hotdog and stand somewhere ALONE to fill my stomach. How sad. And to make the situation more pathetic, the hotdog was overpriced and tasted horrible. Bleah.

They had like a whole list of different hotdogs, but I tink they all tasted the same. best thing of the day - Ken came to pick me up after my waxing. He managed to squeeze some time in between work to pick me up, Which means I do not have to squeeze on some public transport with strangers. =D



Nothing much after, had a beer with Michelle and Sharon. Left shortly and went down to 'Play' to meet Samuel. Same place, different feeling. Used to have so much fun in that place. But now the moment I stepped in the club, everything seems so boring. Nothing changes. I tink im getting old. Which scares me. Either im becoming old or im turning into a boring person. -.-

Sigh. Today is a SATURDAY and as usual, I spent the whole day at home. Alone.
Had Caleb to accompany me for lunch, and after which I did some aunty stuff. Shopping for hangers for my bursting wardrobe. While I was packing my wardrobe, I made a mental note to stop buying clothes. yeah right. I have too many clothes and I cant keep track of all. But I like it.

Feeling a little stressed out from all the pending reports, but well, keep telling myself to get started on my 24 Journal Articles, but everytime I tink of it, I feel sick. After packing my wardrobe, so wanted to start on my Article No 1 but I feel asleep instead. Argg.
When I woke up, I feel sick up till now. Somehow Im down with a flu and have been blowing my nose till its sore and peeling. I feel like shit and look like shit.
Due date for my assignment is coming up and I only have one article out of the 24 that im suppose to prepare. Somebody please save me.......
I tink im blabbing on and on cuz I have no one to talk to at home. Damn.
I tink I better rest. Im feeling so sick.

Today is Monday and Im at home. Feels really good to be home and resting on a Monday morning. The whole weekened simply passed me by. Had many plans for the weekend, but nothing went according to plan. The Sat was spent running around S'pore looking for the perfect van. Then came Sunday, where we agreed to spend time at home and rest. But instead we spent the whole afternoon cleaning up the house and after went for dinner at Kovan. So so tiring.
Did not even make it home for Mother's Day lunch with Grandma. =(
Sat was so so tiring for me, at the end of the day i felt so sick on the way home. I totally felt so terrible. Bleah.
Had to send Ken's parents to their concert and have dinner with Sam, then go pick them up after the concert. Car broke down at the traffic light, up slope somemore. Felt so sick by then and still had to stand in the middle of the road and direct traffic away to prevent some stupid speeding driver from hitting into the stationary car. Sat could be said as a "not too good" day. But at least I made it to have dinner with Sam even though we din manage to catch a movie.

Now is Monday and Im glad I have one more day to rest, due to my hectic weekend.
The new semester have juz started and im already feeling the stress and pressure of this sem's work load. My team is down by 1 person and my com is giving prob so im still thinking of what i shoud do for my program????
Im still feeling not too well, and am wondering what the hell is the prob. grrrrr...
Wanna do many things, but feel so lazy to step out of the house. Weather so hot, no transport, not much money left. Damn... this sucks.
Me and Ken are trying to save as much as possible for the downpayment of the vehicle. It not goin to be easy but we both simply can't live on public transport~! The past week have been torturous for us. Not knowing how to get to places and what buses to take. The waiting for buses and squeezing in trains! So terrible.
We try to take cab as often as we could but cab fares are really really expensive and taxi drivers are so rude. Juz from potong pasir to my work place which is freaking near, cab fare is 6 bucks. WTF?
People are so rude on the train and they smell weird. i hate it when people invade my personal space. i hate public transport. I dun mean to sound pampered and spoilt but public transport really sucks. So much time wasted plus smelly & weird people all around.
Been having my own transport since poly days and now suddenly back to public, 7 years of driving and riding around, I got a lot to learn on public transport. I hate it~!!!
juz can't wait till we get out new vehicle. Its gonna put a strain on our finances, considering we still got our home to support. But well, it would simply mean less shoes for the month and maybe instead of buying clothes every 3 days maybe I'll juz cut down to once a week. =(

Feel so cosy and lazy at home, I tink I would be spending the whole day lazing like this I guess.
Well, dun seem too bad anyways.

Yeah

Sad thing yesterday was that my Gilly baby have been sold to somoeone else.... it was heart wrenching seeing her between the legs of another man. Damn..... But she gotta go. she wasn't really good to me and ken.

Saying final good-bye to Gilly Baby... second good-bye. Kinda hurts. First Gilly was stolen, din even get a chance to take a last look at her. =(

The last kiss...

Still wondering if it is the sticker on the bike?? Ken says it doesn't look so nice after all. That the pic looks like blood is all over the floor and the girl's eyes looks 'gong gong'. Whatever that means.... -.-

My com is $%^&** pissing me off.... keeps hanging.

But nothing can spoil my mood to today.



Finally got my result to my dreaded exams. And I got D for both papers. WHEEEEEeeeee..... Yeah.

Getting distinction for both papers really felt good after all the torture that I went through. I was... what is the right word... REWARDING.

But I really felt a little lost knowing the Carrie did not pass MDP and felt sorry for Xue Feng that she had to take supp paper. But at least she got a shot at passing the dreaded module. I could not express my joy as it felt wrong. It was difficult being in that situation.

Work has been hectic. School crappy. Weather killer. Lack of transport.
Other than that, everything seems normal. In my life. FOr now.
Juz enjoying the other book im reading. Another great read, Really made me laugh out loud and made me wanna cry at some point. Strongly made me feel like having a daughter.

Okie, my noodles are ready.
TGIF. Tomolo is friday......... Wheeeee

Sunday. The beginning or the End of the week

Damn, Sunday is almost over. Its dark in the living room and im typing this with Kenneth sleeping like a pig in front of me.
I can't sleep too much or else I wun be able to sleep tonite.
We have been sleeping in the living room floor since last nite. Sound stupid? It is~!! But is so fun....
Feels like camping.
Its great having the whole place to ourselves and wanted to make full use of the whole house.
Actually, the real reason we were sleeping on the living room floor was that the room aircon needs servicing and the weather has been so hot~ we can't take it no more and have to sleep out in the living room where the aircon is so much cooler.
The aircon man is suppose to come..... where is he???? Ken called him and he is at IKEA shopping. -.-
While im like so hot at home...... =(
Sleeping on the 'tilam' brings me back to my childhood days of sleeping on the floor in my grandma's room.
Sometimes I wish I was a kid again. Less worries. Less pain. Less stress. Want lesser stuff... actually no. Want less expensive stuff. I tink all I ever asked for last time were Barbie dolls and storybooks.
Now, all I want are clothes, shoes, bags, LCD TV, new bed mattress, trips to many places, Mui Mui Bag..... and the list goes on and on.............

Went vehicle shopping today at Ubi..... saw one which I really like. But its so out of our budget. It kinda sucks when U want something but cant have it. I dunnoe which is worse, not having something u want or settling for something lesser. sigh.
Lots of planning needs to be done. Budgeting, calculations..... boring.

TOmorrow would be the start of the working week. Gah. How sucky. Kenneth still on MC and get to sleep the whole day at home while I suffer at work. HmmP.

Was suppose to have a spa getaway next weekend. But things did not turn out the way u want.
Unexpected thing happened. Baby got into a accident. Lots of bak kwa. heart pain. =(

Wed night met up with Samuel. Had a great time juz chilling by the pool. THough the weather was hot, it was fun juz soaking in the serenity of the surroundings. The quiet night and the faint sound of the pool, beer and chocolates. Perfect.
Juz having nothing on my mind was great, totally blank out on everything that was happening around me.
I should have moments like these more often.

Sometimes I feel like I get so caught up in everyday life, I forget to appreciate my surroundings. But well, this week, with no classes, I took the time the slow down.
Baby is injured so spent some time nursing him and spending time at home so he can recover faster. But even if he is not injured, we still spend lots of time at home. so well.... bullshit.

Classes will be starting next week, so not looking forward to it. =(
Happened to be in the same class as Fj for Thurs class, so.... Cool.

Finished reading "The 5 People you meet in heaven" in like one day. Great book!
Love is such a powerful thing...... Beautiful thoughts from the book.

"The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we're alone"

"Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that by hating someone we hurt them. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do to others, we also do to ourselves."

"There are no random acts. We are all connected. You can no more separate one life from another than you can separate a breeze from the wind."

"Strangers are family you have yet to come to know."

My favourite~~~
"Lost love is still love, Eddie. It just takes a different form, that's all. You can't hold their hand, you can't tousle their hair. But when those senses weaken another one comes to life. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You hold it. You dance with it. Life has to end, Eddie. Love doesn't."

Is it ever possible to love someone so much the other person can feel it? Even when one is not around??