Living my life right now would be as good as dead.
Im stressed. Im panicking. Im depressed. Im tired.
I have no energy,
I have no life.
Im angry everyday.
Or rather fed up with everything.
Im sad.
Im worried.
Im supposed to be studying, but im so sick of everything.
I juz wanna scream. I wanna quit school!
If I dun quit school, I wanna resign from work...........
I need this badly. Really badly or Im gonna go mad~
I really really really really feel like giving up.
Anyways, its so contradicting. I cant wait for my exams to be over. Yet Im so not ready.
I do not have enough time to study due to work. And this is causing me stress. I wan all this to be over yet Im so not looking forward to next week.
Its so torturous.
I tink Im like babling away... im making no sense.
Whatever...
Im so overwhelmed by everything.
The past Saturday there was a gathering at my place to celebrate Samuel's birthday. It was amazing to be able to squeeze bout 20 pple in my small humble home.
I tink I barely spoke like more than 5 sentances to Samuel. or rather to anyone else.
I feel damn guilty. but i dun understand why too. I feel like a stranger. I feel too tired. Like all the energy drained out of me.
Having a best friend is often tiring, troublesome, hurting and disappointing.
I feel like im neglecting my friends... not spending enough time with.
I dun have a best friend.
And I dun need one either.
After the dinner, headed down to Play and Tabs. I went down because it was Sam's bday but I Felt bored and left without a word.
No need for good byes. Too tired. Who cares anyway.
I tink its not my thing anymore. All the loud music. All the crowd. I tink im getting old. or im getting boring. Or both.
I feel so affected by what is goin on between me and my friends. Especially with S. But theres nothing I can do. I see the space between us. But I can't seem to make things better.
I feel like I have no one to turn to.
I feek like I have no one on my side.
I always feel like Im fighting all on my own.
Baby, I knw its tiring to hear me complain everyday bout school and work. Im sorry.
I know it sucks to see me moody everyday. Hopefully things will get better after the 15th 'aite!
Samuel, Happy 21st. Sorry I did not spend it with u. Hope it was a happy birthday. maybe we could do coffee someday, juz both of us.
