Saturday happens like it never came...

Its Saturday, a day that i spend my whole week looking forward to and Im now all alone at home.
Went to Liyana's wedding after work just now. It was fun gathering and catching up with people I haven't seen in a long time. I have no idea at all how to drive to Pasir Ris but I have to say that Aaron gives pretty good directions and Sharon had been a good co-driver. So despite me being the kayu driver that I am, I managed to reach the place in a pretty decent timing, and everybody's lives were still intact. =)

Me too wanna get married~!! Liyana looks so happy. I feel so happy and envy her at the same time. When will it be my turn??? I wan to wear a pretty dress and take pretty photos.....
I wanna be a mother too. really really. I tink its time. or maybe im juz so done with my life rite now. All I really wan.... really wan is my own family. A home I can come home to. My own family. I wan to be able to get a bigger place, bring my grandma with me and live happily ever after with me. yup yup.
F#%* the parents. I do love them with whatever space I have left in my heart. But all I need is just my granny.

Its so quiet at home. I slept the whole afternoon away and woke up feeling so lonely. Suppose to meet Jarlyn but was so exhausted from working and wedding I have no energy left in me. So now Im stoning on my sofa with my textbooks all around me. Suppose to start studying for my exams... but i get so frustrated juz thinking bout it. I can't breathe when I look at it. I HATE STUDYING~!!! I HATE DEADLINES~! I HATE EXAMS~!
Oh man, I juz wanna get this over and done with. Im really really so afraid that I can't pass my modules this sem. I feel like crying everytim I tink of it.
I tink im giving myself too much stress.... I need to breathe. i need to calm down.
God please help me. I can't do it on my own. Im nothing without u. Thank you.


I can't wait to go fetch Ken from work later.



Now that I have you, I can't imagine my life without u.
You give in to my every whine.
You do anything to make me smile.
You take all my shitty mood swings and harsh words that comes out when im in a foul mood.
You work so much so that u may buy gifts to surprise me.
You watch all chick flick movies with me even though I know U really wanna watch movies like "I am Legend", "Hancock"....etc.
Nope, Im still not goin to watch those movies, so boring.
I wanna go watch the dog show.... 10 promises to my dog.
.... what I wan to say is, you make me happy. Hopefully you'll stick around for a long time.

the weather is.....

I ought to be happy. Im on MC tomorrow. My throat hurts. My nose is running and Im running a mild temperature. Must be the weather this few days, it keeps raining... its really depressing.

I really and honestly did not wan to take MC tomorrow but well.... since doc insisted that I take a rest. I should. Right? =D Kenneth is on OFF too. wheepee... so we get to bum the whole day tomorrow. So happy.

Im still feeling so guilty bout the 'auntie incident'. Told my colleagues bout it and they all laughed. And really laughed out loud. But its not funny to me. I really got a shocked. =S Guilty like shit too cuz suppose to go pick mama up and send her to Karaoke class, but was caught up at the doc's so could not, needed to rush to class after for my presentation. Super hectic~!!!

Ultrasound scan came out today, all organs are in order. I asked doctor what causes the ache and he said it might be some dried blood inside. *scary*

So how? Doc says nothing can be done but wait and see whether it gets worse.... -.-

Great. Wait till when Im about to die then tell me to do something bout it.

im so angry. i need a happy space.

People at work keep telling me that Ken is a good bf... blah blah blah. I have no doubts bout it now, but they dun even know him. How do they know that he is a good guy? Juz cuz he picks me up from work everyday? Waits hours for me and sends me wherever I wanna go? etc etc.

Why don't people say that Im such a good gf to Kenneth. I do my part to0 lei.....

Anyways, was backtracking a little today at the taxi stand while waiting for Baby. was thinking back to the time when I have no Ken in my life. All the partying, all the mistakes, all the things I did. I do not regret anything, but wished I have done things different. Wished that I have made different decisions about certain things. Thought differently.

I do not regret because I believe that without all that have happened, it would not bring me to where I am today. Down to earth and Trying to appreciate everything in life.

I would most prob be the same spoilt brat I was 3 years back, irritating and demanding and absolutely unbearable. Juz ask the ex. I knew I was a really nice person back then, but my pride was juz to stong and nose too high up in the air. I had everything.

Only when I almost lost everthing........ I woke up. It was a scary and dark period for me. Not knowing where I was headed. Not being able to make plans for my future. Not having my family with me. Being all alone. It was totally miserable. I never wish to be back there again. And Im thankful for Samuel shoving Kenneth into my life. Both have been such a constant pillar of love and support towards me. Helping me to build up my life all over again.

Also my darling girls, Jarlyn and Ali-cia.

Alicia for always doin my facial and making me pretty. and cooking for me when im hungry.

Jarlyn for always being irritating but I dunnoe why I still wan to talk to u. I always believed it was that first time u talked to me. "Eh, wan to go smoke?"

Best pick up line ever~!!

Looking back at 'queerjaded', it was really a turbulent time for me. now im building up my life day by day, having dreams to be fufilled...........

im tired and sick. time to go to bed. the drowsy medicine is kicking in and its time for my daily massage.

Whee

I hate to spoil the emo mood I was in earlier but this pic looks damn cool~

Again, it was taken by a damn good camera. I wished I jumped higher but I was eating fries and was worried that it might drop all over and I'll look damn stupid. -.- So well.

3kg of mangosteen and almost half box of 'Royce' Chocolates and some love from Baby....

Im feeling a little bit better. Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully I'll get through it fine. =S

I wish.......

Sometimes I wish I love myself more.

Sometimes I wish I can be more confident.

Sometimes I wish I can a little more charming.

Sometimes I wish I have it all.

Sometimes I wish I was more successful.

Sometimes I wish I can travel more.

Sometimes I wish I can take pictures of myself and think how beautiful I look instead of thinking how fat or ugly I look in the photo.

Sometimes I wish I can have slimmer and longer legs.

Sometimes I wish I can dun give a flying @#%^ on what goes on around me.

Sometimes I wish I can have a good hair day everyday.

Sometimes I wish I have more time for my friends and family.

Sometimes I wish..... I wish..... I wish....

I wish to be myself. And to love myself.

And for my people around me to love me too. For who I am.

With all my insecurities and flaws.

Saturday blues. Is there such a thing??

Today is official the worst day of my working life. Callie, my partner fell down and hurt her head. Leaving me alone, one man show, on a Saturday~!! It was crazy. But I still made it through. So... PHEW.

Anyways, Im pretty stressed out from school. Getting panic attacks, anxiety attacks, gastric attacks..... u get the idea. I feel so tired. I really really need a good break. From work and school. Was thinkin of all sorts of ways to get a really long mc..... but im afraid it might hurt.

But still when things seems so bad, juz seeing Kenneth makes it better. Somehow. Its great how someone in this world can see all my imperfections as cute and beautiful. Which is really sweet. While everyone thinks its the most unglam, it does not bother him at all. Or when my hair is at its messiest and I totally give up trying to make it look better and he still tinks its perfect. Im in a blissful mood at the moment but it might turn for the worse later on due to reports which juz can't seem to be completed. Damn, and tomorrow is a Sunday and I gotta attend my project group meeting. Im getting really weary. Someone pls pull me out of my misery. I feel like I can't make it this sem and Im really getting worried. =(

On a lighter note, my ACDC t-shirt arrived today~ Whee. So happy.


Kewl~!



Im down with ACDC~ hehehehe
I Heart Adam Sevani~!!!!!!!
Yup. Im still crazy.

I tink im suffering from a quarter life crisis. As I mature -
1. I've learnt that you cannot make someone love u. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

2. I've learnt that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

3. I've learnt that it takes years to build up trust and it only takes suspicion, not proof to destroy it.

4. I've learnt that you should not compare yourself to others. They are more screwed up than u tink.

5. I've learnt that regardless how hot and steamy a relationship is in the beginning, the passion fades and there better be lots of money to take its place.

6. Most frighteningly true - I've learnt that the people u care most about in your life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

Well, what can I say. Life is like a Lollipop. Sometimes sweet, sometimes sticky. Most of the time u juz gotta suck it. Okie, no sense. Im blabbering already. Time to ciao. and rot in my little home on a sat nite in front of my tv and eat ice-cream.

Juz ignore this.... mood swings

Feels like becoming more and more zi-bi.
I feel like I have become so tired of entertaining people around me.
I can't be bothered anymore.
I feel so tired at work.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I feel so much better after lunch. Less moody.
Baby came down to have lunch with me. So sweet. I so happy.
But Baby left for duty already. Im goin to be so lonely tonite. sobsob.

Today is like one of my best days at work. No need to carry our role of either CSO or Cash Officer. Wheeee...
My role in the branch today is. KLKK (Kia Lai Kia Ke).
Shiok Man. Keep eating at the back room and gossipping with Sharon and the rest. If only everyday at work is like that. Life would be good. keke
Later gotta go to Meridien for class. Sianz.

Saturday Night

My weekend sucked. Not totally but it still sucked. Considering the fact that on Sat I worked half day, reached home at 3pm, started on my marketing report and sat on the sofa in the same position until 8+pm. It sucks cuz I missed my afternoon nap and it sucks also cuz time juz flew by with me spending more than 5hours in front of my lappy typing away.......................arggggg

But it was not totally that bad..... after I decided that I could not go on with my report anymore, decided to go dinner with Samuel at Zion road.

After which met up and hung out with Keong, Benedict, Aug, Sheena......many more. It was pretty fun juz hanging out despite me feeling super exhausted.

Baby So Happy to see Keong~

Hanging out.

Tired already.......

Did I mention that Keong got a new Mini-Cooper S. So So Shiok~!

Keong so Happy~~~~

But Baby also very happy with his ride~

yEAH~ at least we have a car to drive around.....

While some people struggle with owning a big car,

We are very happy~~~ with our ride. No Doubt.

Awww....

Baby sent me this pic while I was busy with my report. I can't stop the smile from spreading on my face. Somtimes that boy can be so sweet.

Love Love Love U........................

Can't get enough of Adam G Sevani

I can't seem to get enough of him. Spent my days looking at his videos instead of doin my report. Juz a little peek of what Adam Sevani is all about.... Of course he's the tall lanky geeky one in beige top and cap. *screams* I so adore him!!!!



More more more videos to come, when I got more time... =D

One of my favourite video of Adam Sevani...... He's so good, makes u sit up and take a closer look at his boyish cuteness....




I tink geeky guys are like totally hot. Away from the conventional tall, dark and handsome. People who know me, knows that guys (nerds/geeks) like this totally gets me.
Similar to Eric Szmanda who I was so crazy about, the geeky lab technician on CSI who is like so damn cute too. Made me go on a CSI marathon. -.-


I know most of the names sound foreign, but trust me. They are all damn hot.....~ To me, that is.

Adam~
Adam~
Adam.
Call me crazy cuz that is what I am now.
Crazy for him.

wahahahahahahaha

Not forgetting my very own nerd. Kenneth Lim. =D

Im SO INFATUATED~ Gosh

Im totally like head over heels with Adam Sevani.... He's so hot, so cute. *sigh*

He adds on to my list of favourite cute guys.

He's like totally talented, and he's such a geek.

I love geeks. As what Hilary Duff and sister said - Nerds are totally in right now. Yeah~!

Adam Sevani is so damn young, he juz turned 16 and he's already so damn cute.

Gosh, I sound like a teenager with a mega crush..........

I had a good day today...

Today was a good day. Nothing happened in particular, juz feel.... happy.
yesterday was a very very bad day, where everything that can go wrong, went wrong. I was so on the verge of taking my Gucci and walking out of the bank, not wanting to work another minute. It was THAT bad.
But nevertheless, I managed to make it to the end of the day......
So today was a good day, cuz I had half day off and Kenneth got half day from camp too! So we spent the afternoon walking around town, without the usual hectic crowd. Spending time together, which was nice. It has been a long time since we last went out. So the whole afternoon was juz spent walking around town aimlessly doin nothing. So Fun. =)

Im sitting in front of the com waiting for the washing machine to be fixed and im bored.

As the days goes by, I tink how lucky I am.......... that you're not here to ruin it for me.
(hahahahahahahahahaha)

A little....

Its friday nite. Home alone. Ken at Zouk..................................................... working.

Im feeling a little sad.
Im feeling a little confused.
Im feeling a little jealous.
Im feeling a little lost.

Before I start my complaining. I heard this on the radio by the Muttons, 98.7FM while driving home.
"So u think that female is the weaker sex? Try getting back the blanket in the middle of the night."
Wahahahahahaha..... Lame. I know. but it still got me smiling.

Work tomorrow as usual. my life is so boring.
Ken gotta go duty tomorrow which means I got the whole day to myself. Or rather I'll be all alone tomorrow. Good time for me to try to start on my project which is due really really soon. And im still bumming around.

Everyone is living the same life, walking the same earth. But somehow some people juz got a lucky break, some lead better lives.... blah blah blah. I know I've been whining bout this non-stop. But I juz feel so..... *sigh* as the chinese saying goes... same people, different lives. I tink it goes something like that la.
Some are famous.
Some are bloody rich.
Some born with a golden spoon.

Its so discouraging to know bout all this charmed life people. Im jealous.
Especially when I heard of the guy who gives his wife $32K a month as spending money, its like WOW!
He's pretty well know for buying down the whole condominium cuz he does not like to share the pool and lifts with other people and lives alone with his wife in the penthouse of the condo. WHAT?! too much money dunnoe where to spend.
Working in my job allows me to meet and know many many people like these. And it is depressing. VEry depressing.
$32K a month for a housewife. Her MONTHLY allowance is my ANNUAL salary. I wanna be THAT housewife. But I know I dun have the luck. Its juz my life. My fate.
im so jealous why some juz get it better than the rest. its so unfair. it it being at the right place at the right time? Or meeting the right people?
No wonder people say the chinese saying. people compare with people, will compare until die?? Is it the right translation??? haha. talking to too many chinese aunties recently. at least somehow my chinese is improving. right?

I know I gotta be contented with what I have.
But what do I have???!!!!!
I dun have/make 32K a month.
Im not a famous person.
I have to work/study very hard juz to have a better life.

okie, time to do some reflections

Things to be thankful for/ happy about
1. Grandmother (most important person in my whole life)
2. Kenneth (almost perfect bf)
3. Samuel (even though not talked in like ages)
4. My own home
5. My cute Peugeot
6. My 42 pairs of shoes
7. Roughly 30++ bags
8. More than a 100 pieces of clothing
9. Good job? (I did not say it's fun)
10. Good friends? (not so sure at the moment.)
11. Sponsored degree
12. I look cute. ( I never say gorgeous hor, juz cute. not even pretty. juz cute, like retarded cute)

Damn, i sound damn materialistic.

Sucky stuff
1. Im not disgustingly rich.
2. I dun have a pool downstairs.
3. Im not a supermodel.
4. I can't sing.
5. I have a bad hair day. Everyday.
6. I dun have clothes to wear.
7. I dun have matching shoes with my clothes.
8. I spend way too much money, and I can't control myself.
9. No life
10. No one to talk to at the moment. (which explains the long post)
11. No plans on the weekends, except school work and reports.
12. Im not making money by looking pretty.
13. I will always be the girl-next-door.
14. I can't speak chinese or thai fluently. (both supposedly to be my mother tongue)
15. Did I mention not rich and 16. not famous and 17. not beautiful.

The list of sucky stuff can juz go on and on. im feeling more and more depressed as the list grows. So from what I see, conclusion is......
The bad outweighs the good.
But the good is good enough??? what am I saying.
im being like super negative.

I need to tink Happy Happy Happy.
Life is hard. Balls.

Kenneth & Luisa

This picture was taken by a very expensive camera and it was beautifully taken. =)

Despite the fact that it was taken at my most unglam moment, it still managed to turn out pretty okie actually.

This pic was taken after swimming when my hair was wet and uncombed. Me in my shorts and slippers walking around Suntec City. SO UNGLAM. I kept whining to Kenneth that I wanna go home. but well, at least something good came out of it.

Feeling like im coming down with a very bad cold. My tissue paper lying all over the place. Nose hurts from all the blowing and its red and dry. I look like the freaky reindeer now. damn.

Feeling kinda stressed out from my school work cuz I DUNNOE HOW TO DO....... !!!

How? HOw? HOW?

I feel so helpless when I look at the case study.

Other than school stress, everything else is pretty much ok. Besides the fact that Ken gotta do duty this Sat leaving me at home alone to finish up my report.

Life is Good.

Besides the leaking nose, Im feeling very happy everyday. Everyday is a joy with Baby. So happy to juz come home and spend time with you. I feel so bad that u always gotta wait for me. I really feel so guilty making u wait for 3 hrs doin nothing 'till my class finishes. Sigh. Although u say its okie and that u dun mind. I really feel bad that u are rushing here and there, to send me to work and to school. Then to pick me up after school. Or simply juz rushing around to send me to places. Im glad that u are willing to do all this for me but guilty at the same time.

Tomorrow is Friday, but no plans as usual. Juz a whole load of marketing research report to do up.... *faints*

SO BORING.

Its getting late. Nite Nite.

Sianz

I slept my whole long weekend away. Managed to avoid Monday blues cuz I was off today. but its also the first day of my *ahem*. so i was lying in bed rolling around in pain cuz of my cramps. grrrr..... torturous.

My cramps are bloody hell killing me and my leg feels so swollen. Besides the monthly torture that I go through, my weekend was nothing special. Out of 24hrs a day, I slept like 20hrs. Wake up only to drink water and go to the toilet. Not much of a appetite too.

So not looking forward to goin back to work tomorrow. sigh.

I wish I could spend all of my days like that, lying around in bed with Baby. Sleeping till late in the noon with Baby, taking lazy afternoon naps on Baby's lap on the sofa and watching DVDs in the evening. How quickly the weekend passes. Time flies when you're relaxing.

These few days spent at home, I had lots of time to myself.

To think.

To ponder.

Im upset bout certain things but realise that I can't change most things. But at the same time, Im happy.

I feel that this world is such a cruel world and life is difficult. Its hard to just ignore the bad stuff. Bad stuff as in bad people and bad situations.

I feel that she does not like me very much. You can say im sensitive. or I tink too much. I probably am but still this is how I feel. Its so obvious sometimes, but its not obvious to others. She's trying to leave me out, but I dun want to play that game. I dun have the time and the energy. Im not fighting with u for anything, but u make me feel you are taking him away from me. and not even leaving a little for me. Or maybe he himself do not find me interesting to be with anymore.....

SO much negative thoughts.. I can't breathe.

So many mean and rude people around. its sad sometimes. I dun understand whats up their ass..

Happy people seems to be extinct. all around are people who are irritated and always in a rush.

Talking bout no one in particular, juz some experiences on the road when im driving. its hell driving on the road nowadays, everyone seems to be rushing off to die somewhere.

Good times over. Say hello to work and reports and deadlines and schoool.

I have no life.

ok, not too bad. At least I had durians juz now. and I bought like 2kg of Longan.

Im burping durian smell and the whole house smells of durians now. YUM!

having a little sore throat. MC??