I feel totally and entirely sick and miserable. I feel like nobody understands. And I feel so guilty towards my sweet husband.
I so so tired of feeling sick. I just really want my health and energy back. Please please take away my nausea and vomiting. Its really really affecting me. I can't complain much to people around me, cuz its damn irritating. Plus people just keep saying 'its normal'. Pfft, its not freaking normal when u have to carry a freaking plastic bag around in your bloody Chanel bag and hope to God that you will not have to throw up some place where people will be disgusted. I just want to enjoy a nice meal without feeling like throwing up with every mouthful of food I take. I don't want to go through the whole day feeling nauseous. I don't want to walk for 5 mins and start to feel weak and giddy.
Im so miserable. Even my work is suffering. I dread going to work cuz I feel so uncomfortable at office. The journey to and fro is torturous and a real test of my control and mental strength. I know my colleagues think that im freaking useless or thinks that Im jus 'chao geng' at work. Im really seriously considering stopping work, but I can't lose my salary. how frustrating.
Websites have claim that it will soon come to an end and im suppose to feel better everyday. Im really crossing my fingers, toes and praying to dear God that it will come to an end. So i can go to work as usual. And get my life back.
Don't get me wrong. Im super happy and excited of having a baby. But the pregnancy period is really too torturous for me to feel blooming at all. All I wanna do everyday is sleep, sleep, sleep.
I just wanna get through this 9 months and carry my baby in my arms.
Now I might feel totally like shit and totally depressed. I must stay strong. Hubby says not to care what people in office says bout me. But I really don't like working this way. I really don't enjoy not doing my work well. I just have to try to hang on to my job, Save money in case I get the boot. And pray to God that all this will turn around soon.
Im so so envious of those who go thorugh their preganacy easily like nothing at all. Why am I not like that!!!!! Why must I have what 70% - 80% pregnant woman suffers - why can't I be the lucky few. I guess in life, you can't be lucky in everything.
But Im so blessed by God to have this child. So I have to count my blessings right? But does it really have to be so difficult. I swear any more of this and im going to have depression. I wish I can just stay home everyday and rest but I guess I don't have the luxury. Unless maybe hubby strike the lottery.
So until that day happens, i gotta drag my fatigue body to work and puke my guts out. if im lucky, i'll just have nausea all day long with no appetite to eat at all.
Sixth Avenue is a horrible place with no food to eat at all, which does not help with my nausea at all. So....
PLease God. God help me. Sometimes I feel like I cant hang on anymore.
